You just made me feel so damn special
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
