Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
