just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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