Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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