Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
