Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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