The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
