why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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