My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My liver just had a heart attack.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
