KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
