I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
