Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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