the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
