I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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