I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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