We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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