So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
