Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
