yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
