Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
