I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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