i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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