I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
