I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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