areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had sex on a roof
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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