So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
