Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
