I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
