It's Friday. Sex?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
