Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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