True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
