So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
