I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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