put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
