I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
