I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My vagina is officially offended.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
