I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
