I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
