He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
