I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!