Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.