Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something