I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I checked into jail on foursquare
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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