her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
