"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
