I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
