You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
