I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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