I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
