This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
