my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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