I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
