i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
