so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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