yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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