So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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