But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Randomize
