somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
