I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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