i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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