I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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