so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize