honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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