i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
