Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
