you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
