Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
God, I missed his penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
