As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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