Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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