whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
