so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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