Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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