Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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