WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize