Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
