Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
