If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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