May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
