haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
