She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
