why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
