Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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